alright so the otherday i spazzed out over at my friends house "spent the whole day there" i worked the morning then posted up over there. got high and yea cuz i just wanted to float the day away ya know. so i get home at like oph... 3 am or sumtin like that and i find out my ex stopped by to see me........ the most recent ex that fucked me over big time.. anywho.. so yea i wrote her a message on myspace "thats the only way for me to get ahold of her really since i dont like calling her now" so i got a responce at about midnight.. well she wrote back at like 7 but i was crashed out hard. so yea she says she wants to meet up and talk...... but she wants to talk to me on the phone first... and then she wrote this thing on one of my blogs sayin that she still loves me and wants to be friends as to fix shit between us and then quoted that whole "you dont know what you hav untill its gone" bullshit and yea... kinda fuckered up in my mind... honestly i cant make heads nor tails of whats going on in my mind... fuck man part of me wants o see her and talk to her... another wants to tell her to go fuck the buisness end of a gun and pull the trigger.. and still anopther part wants to hold her and never let go god fucking damn it man... im at a huge cross roads cuz of this...

i know she lied... i mean i know for a fact about a shit load of lies.. and its all stuff she didnt even need to lie about, but i dont want to give up because then ill always think "what if" like "what if this was a chanc for us to come clean on a bunch of shit and fix us and be happily ever after" but i dont want to put myself out there to be a mind fuck yet again... and like i just started talking to my ex.. the only girl iv ever had a "perfect" moment and yea man.. FUCK. and im not one to bitch and mone abotu shit really.. and really im not trying to bitch mos of these posts really are/are going to be just for me to se what is on my mind. to vent to myself but in a place for people to see so it helps them understand how i work inside,

so yea shes spose to come over i think tomarrow. dont know man. not sure whats goign to happen or yea... i have so much to say but dont know how to word it ya know. and i really have nothing to say to her that i havent said already.......................

and i know this is gonna put me in a worse mood... and this sucks cuz i wanted to be in a happy mood cuz for those that dont know which is probably all of you lol, thursday. tomarow is my birthday. and im used to craptastic birthdays... iv only had 3 birthdays that i liked..... im used to being let down and shit but god damn it man. i want to have a good 21st birthday but i dont think thats gonna fucking happen no matter what man. like really im already in a funk cuz of the message i got from her.... sometimes i wish i could just up and move away already... i had a chance to move to texas... didnt take it. didnt feel like it would be a good idea. i wish sometimes that life is as easy to understand as music.... but noone ever said life would be easy, iv always been told it was a hard thing to make it to happiness. never thought it woud like this though..

im sorry for all these entrys being long but i cant describe anything in just a few words. actually i need to rephrase that.. i cant explain anything about my life or whats in my mind with only a few words and soimetimes i get carried away i know but ohwell. thanks for reading

Ogre i am curious about something with this ex of yours, is lying the worst thing that she has done to you or is there more that you didn't tell us about? because if lying is the worst of it, i'd probly say give her another chance. but if she steals an cheats on you as well. well then i'd have to say that is a tough call, i know some people might say everybody deserves another chance. but i say 3 strikes an your out, an if it's lying,cheating an stealing? i'd say bye bye.

no she just lied. if she had ever cheated on me i wouldnt speak to her. thats how i am. no she just started lieing to me and when she started lieing they just kept coming lie upon lie.. i have a feeling shes just trying to fuck with my head again and im not going to let her... well im gonna try and not let her

hmm well if lying is the worst that she did to you, then i'm kind of thinking that you need to think long an hard about what you want to do with this.

yea i have been but you dont understand how my mind works. i live my life by strict honor codes. honor is everything to me. and i for one dont lie i havent told a lie since i was like 8 lol. and that was about leaving the toilet seat up or sumtin lol. now i know thats hard to believe but i just dont lie i have no reason to and i know if i do something i am responcible for my actions. now i do word play very well when i dont want to say something but yet i cant lie ill play with words so its all how you hear it. like before today if i go to a bar and they say "are you 21" or "do i need to card you" ill respond with something like "what do you think, would i come in if i wasnt" or "no you dont need to card me" see and then if they serve me then its their bad not mine.. no lies told. so when im lied to it bugs the shit out of my id rather someone be honest about it all ya know.

well i guess it would depend on what the lies were about an such as that. i don't know the whole story an it's none of my business truely, i was just thinking that lieing to me isn't as bad as cheating on me or stealing from me.

yea well when someone doesnt stop lieing then i loose respect for them and cant trust them

ok so last time i posted was the day before my birthday, im proud to tell you that i actually had a good birthday. saw my ex like i said i was and it was awsome. hung with some frineds got baked... i wanted to be all kinds of fuckered up and i got it. went and saw "The Dark Knight" which was badass. i can see why he went nuts in real life lol. all was good... untill i got home from the movie but since i went to the midnight showing it was techincally the morning after my birthday when it all went to shit.. found out i let my ex play me once a-fucking-gain, and yea its a bunch of bs.

been working at the fair. but not anymore as of lasnight. ill have new pics up soo i belive... lol some that show the redneck in me lol. but iv been really buisy lately cuz of the fair, and helping friends who are showing livestock at the stock yards. been havin a hell of a time lately though.

but yea theres been a bit of drama as of late. dealing with all kinds of bullshit and for the past couple days my ex has been trying to get ahold of me.. she called me this morning and i told her to call back in 20mins. must not of been important cuz she never called back. well im gonna go lay down im tired and worn out. so take care and ill try to pop in here more often

dude i'm glad that you had a better birthday than you thought you might have. it sucks ass nuggets that your ex-girlfriend played you again, i'm sorry to hear that it happend. i've been wondering how things have been going for you, i get a breif messege asking me if i'm online at yahoo, which i'm not. but then after i get it your not there. lol oh well we'll chat again sometime soon.

WTF!!! im gone for a few days..and i miis the ogre!!!LOL

yup he cums an goes like the wind.

howdy all hope all is well. sorry iv been gone i havent had time to do much. im gonna try and pick up on this site try and post more offten. but lets see.... ok ummm been pretty good. i told my ex that shes a fucking liar and that if all shes gonna do is call and try to fuck with my head and lie to me then to loose my fucking number. so its been quiet lol.

im gettin close to one of my little cousins again and it makes me happy. iv been in and out of his life since he was a baby and hes like 16 now. he had his first fight the other day first fist fight and whooped the guys ass i was so damn proud of him.. been talkin to a couple girls, not really trying anything just making friends. but yea not sure what else to write ill logg in later and write something more im just hella tired right now.

take care everyone stay freakish, peace im out.

hey guys hows it going. long time no post.. lol well for me. i havent be online much for the past 6 months of so, i only have been on maybe once a week. lets see... uh new with me.. uh well nothing really. i got a huge abcess in my lower stomache around christmas and had to go to the hospital. didnt have to have surgery i just got shots and an ass load of pills. still not completely recovered. basically i had a ballon full of poison the size of a liter size bottle of soda, just waiting to pop. now its pretty small compared to what it was but not gone. on some antibiotics that make me feel craptastic. but on a brighter side i got to spend christmas day and the two days that followed in bed playin guitar hero world tour on x-box 360. so my holidays werent all bad. well these meds im on make my dizzy and light headed almost constantly so im actually havin trouble sein the screen and keyboard so im gonna get off while i still can navigate the mouse to shut down my comp. hope everyone is better than i and ill post more of my adventures during my abcence. take care everyone and ill ttyl. stay freakish people.